mood: out with the old, in with the new
listening to: some video game my brother's playing
reading: stuff for my research paper


Today I went to church at Lindenwood which posed a question in my mind..faith? What is my faith? I don't even know anymore. It starts out with whatever your parents want it to be but gradually you're going to change with your experiences. After my "experiences", I questioned my faith in God, in religion in general, in this whole idea that there's some omnipresent force I need to refer to as my "Father." Hah. Prove it!

I'm sick of that. My faith was only in things which had proven to be rocks of "salvation" that I could depend on. I have intense faith in all my friends. They are all amazing and will go far! They help me..whether they know it or not. I have faith in ideas and music that changes me for the better. I have faith in the band that I can depend on to lift me to a higher mood. All these things are material..they'll be gone someday. I never understood how someone could put faith in something they can't see or talk to and I would scoff when people said they "felt something" from God that would make them..whatever...

Well, I "feel something" when I listen to certain bands. I "feel something" when i'm around the people who make me better. And that isn't necessarily wrong..but it's a lonely sort of feeling. So when I do go to church..I see all these people who are really happy with that faith..I want that. I want to go home after church and think about what i've learned rather than praise God that I didn't get caught skipping Sunday school and reading in the library! I want to go to church again..and be like that...I'd like to do stuff for a church and be apart of everything..blah

I have successfully dyed the skunky green out out my hair and now it is a nice blend of dark brown and blue wooo~

Onto my research paper!